George Clooney:  He's won "World's Sexiest Man" so many times People Magazine might have to ban him from the competition.  The Ocean's series appears to be his only real connection with poker/gambling.  That being said, he's known for his work with charitable/non-profit organizations, and why wouldn't the "World's Sexiest Man" want a good excuse to come to Vegas?  Still, he's a long shot.  Odds: 80-to-1

Brad Pitt:  See above...only add a wife and three kids to the equation.  Odds: 100-to-1

Matt Damon: How could Mike McD not be a lock for this event?  Easy, the guy who played him hasn't been seen in a card room since making Rounders references was cool.  Still, Damon did play in the 1998 main event, he's friends with former poker regular Ben Affleck, and healways seems to step it up when necessary.  Odds: 75-to-1

Ben Affleck:  This guy used to play a lot of poker and he was once mentored by "Ante Up for Africa" co-founder, Annie Duke.  Unfortunately, fans couldn't separate the guy who just wanted to sit at the table, from the guy who starred in Armageddon, and many believe the constant hounding burned him out.  Now he's married and has a kid...but I think Ol' Ben still loves the game.  Odds: 70-to-1

Jennifer Tilly: She dates Phil Laak, plays in WSOP and WPT events, and once gave Patrik Antonius credit for quad kings against her full house on Poker After Dark (PA had 10-8).  Odds: 2-to-1

Hank Azaria: Played in last year's main event, and even made calls and folds using the voices of his Simpsons' characters Moe and Apu.  Odds: 7-to-2

Danny Masterson: Played in last year's main event.  Also, has participated in numerous poker shows and is supposedly a regular on the Hollywood home game circuit.  Odds: 7-to-2

Mekhi Phifer:  Played in last year's main event, ER’s on summer break, and I don't think they'll be making an 8 Mile: The Sequel anytime soon.  Odds: 7-to-2

Charles Barkley: The biggest sports name on the list of potential participants, I don't know how much poker Sir Charles actually plays.  He is, however, an admitted gambling degen and estimates his loses at the table games to be in the area of $30 million.  Odds: 10-to-1


For more information on how you can help the people of Darfur and others in need around the world visit www.theirc.org and www.enoughproject.com

Not only am I ranked somewhere in the 4,000's on Full Tilt (behind such names as blindguy1906 and TheMiracleWhipCommando), but I can't even post a decent showing among the PokerWire/PW Radio crew.

Here's how we rank currently in our league:

1. Really Good Producer Jeremy (37th Place) - An absolute shocker.  The guy knows less about poker than a Mormon kindergarten class.

2. Gavin Smith (59th Place) - Gavin ranks as one of the world's most DL geniuses.  He's the intellectual equivalent of Keyser Soze pretending to be Verbal Kint.  I expected him to be my toughest competition, I just didn't think he'd be PWNING me.

3. Jeremiah "Lead Tournament Reporter/Hellmuth Jr." Smith (101st Place) - Also not a huge surprise.  An incredibly knowledgeable poker fan, he's basically our "Schwam."

4. JDN aka "Bossman" (166th Place) - [Insert Nervous Laughter]...what can I say, he's my boss.

5. LA Mike (218th Place) - In between stealing poker players' cars, he's made some pretty decent tournament-specific picks.   LA Mike also happens to be my favorite non-pro.

6. Me (242nd Place) - Yes, I know I'm stuck in the basement with two of the biggest yee-haw's in poker talk radio.  I'm not worried.  I'm a perennial slow starter; I've mastered the bounce-back.   It's all about making adjustments.  Take my most recent run in fantasy football.  I started 1-6, pulled off some crucial trades (thank you unnamed friend who gave me Frank Gore for Daunte Culpepper and his Paper-Mache knee) and reached the league championship.  That's the great thing about WSOP fantasy poker; you draft a whole new team with each event.  Endless adjustments!  Screw what I said about regretting my previous blog, domination is around the corner (I can't possibly stink it up again...can I).

7. Joe Sebok (246th Place) - Vowed to not change his team at all during the WSOP.  He might want to rethink that decision.

8. Joe "The Original King of Hairy Italian Comedy" Stapleton (308th Place) - An absolute mess.  In our March Madness bracket challenge he picked Tennessee to beat Memphis in the national championship because, "there's no way a city could beat an entire state."  I'm pretty sure his fantasy poker A-team includes Bob Stupak, Lennox Lewis and a "dancer" he met at Sapphire.

But enough about me and my degenerate friends, without further ado let's take a look at the top five fantasy studs and duds through the first two and a half weeks of the 2007 World Series of Poker.

Top Five Studs

1. Phil Hellmuth Jr. - "A machine," "the greatest no-limit hold'em tournament player of all time," call him whatever you want, Hellmuth has already won a record-breaking 11th WSOP bracelet.  And, as I write this, the "Poker Brat" has just finished 6th in Event #28 ($3,000 NLH), so add another $76,464 to his impressive '07 WSOP cashes ($641,155).

2. Burt Boutin - Man, do I love Burt Boutin, and I'd love the guy even more if I put him on my fantasy team every once in awhile.  Not only is the Burt one Red Bull away from launching into outer space, but he currently sits atop the '07 WSOP money-winner's leader board ($836,675).  That, combined with three cashes already, makes B.B. a fantasy monster.

3. Steve Billirakis - The "youngest bracelet winner in WSOP history" also happens to be one of the most consistent players at this year's Series.  At twenty-one years and ten days, Billirakis kicked things off by winning the first event in '07 ($5,000 Mixed Hold'em).  He's since gone on to cash twice more, and is in the top ten on the money winner's leader board.

4. Michael Binger - I'm not sure if they're combining Michael's stats with his brother Nick's, but the 2006 main event third-place finisher has already reached the money five times in 2007.   That's a pretty decent year for some players.  Which is exactly why I think Michael and Nick are pooling their results.  Not fair, but still good for over $350,000 in winnings.

5. Humberto Brenes - DE CHAARK HAAS TREE CASHES!  DE CHAARK HAAS  MADE TREE FINAL TABLES!  DE CHAAARK EZ DOMINATING!  (Translation: Humberto Brenes has three cashes, all of them final table appearances.)

Top Five Duds

1. Michael "The Grinder" Mizrachi - One of the most dominant tournament players on the planet...except at the World Series.  Grinder is following up an abysmal 2006 WSOP by failing to cash in an event so far.  My advice if you want to keep The Grinder on your fantasy team - trick him into thinking he's playing a World Poker Tour event.

2. Jared "TheWacoKidd" Hamby - Arguably you couldn't find a hotter player coming into the Series than Hamby.  Since then...not so much.  Zero cashes, which is disappointing for a guy who was crushing WPT prelims and finished second at last month's Mandalay Bay Poker Championship.

3. Men "The Master" Nguyen - "The Master" once held the record for most WSOP-in-the-money-finishes.  He was passed by Hellmuth in 2006, and will continue to fall further behind if his results don't improve soon.  Somebody needs to bring back, "Nice hand, sir"...fast!

4. Patrik Antonius - Nobody doubts this guy's skills in both tournaments and cash games, but where has he been during this WSOP?

5. Jamie Gold - J-Go lasted cashed at the World Series on 8/10/06, when he won the main event.  Nuff said.

There you go my students.  Take that knowledge, apply it to your fantasy poker league, and prosper...just don't prosper more than me.

Here's the deal.  Two weeks ago, Internet whiz Sorel "Imper1um" Mizzi compared the WSOP ladies event to the Special Olympics.  Since then, it has been made known that the comment was a humorous one-liner taken out of context (Mizzi seems like a good kid, we had him on PokerWire Radio, and I tend to believe that he was making a harmless joke).  Well, that information didn't stop the idea from perpetuating.  Apparently some people thought the Mizzi comment gave them license to diss the ladies event and it's participants.

The truth is, there are just as many male donkeys in the game as female ones.  The 2006 main event field featured over 8,770 players, and women participants made up like 1% of that number.  That leaves a lot of dead money on the other side of the gender line.  Plus, many of the game's top women players compete and succeed on a regular basis against the men's poker superstars.

That's no NBA to WNBA comparison.

But today was the day to give LA Mike's fans a chance to play with him live.  Play, chat and get berated by LA Mike.  I ventured down to the Amazon Room.  Joey Stapes, the host of Pokerwire Radio, asked if he could get a percentage of me.  Usually I play solely with my own money in cash games but what the hell, he's a great guy.  (Even though, he ditched me for lunch earlier in the day and forced me to eat all alone with a small child)  I proceeded to the cash game area and put my initials on the list.  The list was 7432093209 people long but the lady who wrote them down said a new game would likely be starting soon.  LA Mike waited patiently and then waited some more.  Finally, a couple of new $2-$5 tables opened so I jumped into one.  Chips please!

After I secured my $500 in chips I was ready to go.  Typically, I don't like to get too involved or crazy until I see how the table is playing.  I waited one hand and took my big blind.  Everyone folded around to the cutoff position who made it $20 and started a parade of callers.  The button and small blind called so there was no way in hell I was dropping my  J9.  The flop came  J92 and I had visions of raking a monster pot.  So much for not getting too involved early on.  Everyone checked around to the button who bet $65.  The small blind immediately mucked and I decided to raise to $165.  Before it was even the button's turn to act, he starts asking "how much, how much?"  I seriously thought he was going to have a heart attack.  The cutoff mucked and the button said "I'm all in".  His actions alone allowed me to keep from being stacked off.  I knew he had a set of some sort.  I mucked my hand and he couldn't show me  22 quick enough.  Thanks to his behavior at the table I only lost $185 on the hand instead of $500.  Obviously, not the start we were looking for but I felt fortunate to only be down about $200.

I play pretty tight for the next hour or so, getting a bunch of crap for the most part.  I took one pot down with the  A9 when the flop brought  two clubs.  A relatively small pot but a step in the right direction.  This is about the time when my grilled cheese sandwich began to really upset my stomach.  The pain was getting worse and worse.  It was go time!  (Note:  LA Mike is OCD and hates the filth of public restrooms)  The haul to the privacy of my own bathroom is miles away or at least it seems.  Meanwhile, the pain is getting more and more intense.  I'm positive I'm not going to make it.  But I'm OCD so I suck it up.  Ahhh, finally the relief of my own bathroom.

After about a 30-minute break, I return to my table to a dealer "push".  For the love of god, what a terrible dealer push it happened to be.  I was sitting in the nine seat and this dealer had serious body odor.  Bad Beat Sir!  I mean, this guy smelled like he'd bathed in puke.  He did deal me a one monster hand with  KQ and I doubled up when I made trip queens.  My opponent had the queen as well but only an eight kicker.  LA Mike's fans began chanting at that point.

(At this point, I took a break to sweat Pokerwire Radio's Gavin Smith, as he was heads-up for a bracelet in the $1500 PL Hold'em event.)  He ended up losing a race on the final hand when his  55 ran into  A10 all in preflop.  Good game, great start to the series!  You'll get that bracelet soon enough.

I returned to my table and played one more hand of consequence.  The guy under the gun decided to "live straddle" to $10, it folded around to me and I looked down at  KK.  I popped it up to $30 and got called in two spots.  The flop came  KQ10, it checked around to me and I bet $60.  I was immediately min-raised to $120.  The third guy mucked and after seeing the guy had about $350 total, I went ahead and pushed in.  He called but wouldn't flip over his hand.  The turn and river came  77 and my kings full won me a very nice pot.

That was essentially the end of my session.  Personally, I saw a few strange plays but nothing too horrible.  Definitely a few people who couldn't for the life of them lay down a draw no matter how much you bet.  No pot odds...who cares!

Everyone's favorite writer, Alex Henriquez is waiting for me to post this and nobody keeps the "DA" waiting.  Although, he might keep you waiting from time to time.

PS...Before you ask, yes I gave Joey Stapes his cut after I cashed out, he made a few bucks too.  No fleece job from LA Mike!


-LA Mike for Pokerwire.com

I'm no high roller.  In fact, if there's a category called "low-roller," I'm still not even that guy.  But I do know some pretty big spenders, and I can be persuasive enough to get people to occasionally do things "on a discount."  As a result of the WSOP media quarantine, which ranks somewhere above the people in 28 Weeks Later..., but slightly below the monkey in Outbreak, and being acquaintances with a few pro players, I've had the opportunity to witness some pretty hilarious, let's-try-to-have-some-fun-and-not-go-crazy prop bets.

The highlights include:

1. Someone snorting a salmon roe (which is sushi-lingo for "raw salmon egg," and is about the size of an Altoid).  I footed the bill on this one.  It cost me $50, and was completely worth it when the snorter sneezed out the egg about fifteen minutes after it had disappeared into his nasal cavity.

2. Someone chugging an entire quart of Whole Foods medium salsa.   Sick, disgusting, unbelievable, and obviously out of my price range.  Two pro players paid for this one, and it netted the chugger a cool $400.  I know what you're thinking, and the answer is - no, the guy didn't puke.  He did, however, sweat chipotle for the remainder of the evening.

3. Someone chugging TWO quarts of baby formula.  You're probably wondering why we were at a party with baby formula...don't ask.  Suffice to say that the stuff tastes like a combination of Pepto and melted white chocolate, and has the consistency of wet sand.  The act cost $400 (paid for by the same two pros)...and this time, someone did puke (this was not Salsa-Guy).

I am in no way condoning these actions, but like I tried to express in the intro - when you're given lemons, turn that into a lemonade/clam chowder/mayonnaise concoction and pay someone to drink it.

Stay tuned for more...

Quick Note: In a previous blog I said the Rio must have been designed by the lead character from Memento; I'm changing my stance and going with the idea that the designer pitched the project as "Wes Craven's Spanish Disneyland."

Gavin Smith - $480,000

William Hill - $332,000

Bruce Van Horn - $315,000

Jeff Langdon - $286,000

Marco Traniello - $277,000

Mike Spegal - $241,000

Jon Friedberg - $204,000

Tom Savitsky - $140,000

Eric "Rizen" Lynch - $91,000
 

But it ain't all bad for us Lambdas and Mus here at the WSOP; Dave Curley, Harrah's public relations guy, and Nolan Dalla, the uncontested king of World Series media, do an outstanding job of keeping us outcasts informed and feeling loved. Which reminds me, I propose that exclusive rights be determined by a series of physical challenges similar to the homecoming competition from Revenge of the Nerds.  Just imagine, Bluff and CardPlayer could settle their differences with a javelin toss, and LA Mike could battle BJ Nemeth in the belching contest.

I wonder how much it would cost to get exclusive media rights to that?

Quick Note:  the hamburgers at the Poker Kitchen, which were pretty decent last year, are so bad I vote we just take the remaining ones and jettison them into outer space.  I couldn't even get through half of one, and I'm pretty sure Harrah's is cooking them in tanning beds.

1. Chris "The Armenian Express" Grigorian unofficially kicked off the 2007 WSOP with a party at VooDoo Lounge on Thursday night.   While the Rio itself is a little nutty (I'm chalking this up to short-term memory.  I think the designer was like Guy Pearce from Memento.  He'd build one part to look like Mardi Gras, completely forget he did that, then make the next part of the casino look like an Italian fishing village), the VooDoo Lounge is great.  Not only is the place a rooftop bar, but you also take a Willy Wonka-style glass elevator to get to it.

The party started at ten, and the guest list included pros like The Grinder, Jeff Madsen, and Men "The Master" Nguyen.  I was there on "assignment" with Joe Stapleton and Really Good Producer Jeremy and the video we shot does the event better justice than I could here (me describing "The Master" taking a Kamikaze shot not nearly as funny as actually watching "The Master" take a Kamikaze shot).

Quick note: The best part about these kinds of Vegas events...most guests not only don't know the reason for the party, they couldn't tell you who's even throwing the thing.   I think "what happens in Vegas" might actually "stay in Vegas" because half the time nobody knows what's happening. 

2. I hate to call it "CardGate," because there's nothing more clichéd than adding "gate" to a controversial subject, but...yeah, we've had "CardGate here at the 2007 WSOP.  For anyone who doesn't already know, Harrah's unveiled a newly designed playing card during Event #1.  Let's just say the debut went over about as well as a pulled pork sandwich at a vegan food party.  If you haven't seen the cards (which were apparently designed specifically for optimal "hole card viewing"), they look like funhouse versions of the traditional style with thinned/stretched out face images and canted images on the corners.  How anyone thought it would be a good idea to test run a new version of PLAYING CARDS at the World Series of Poker...

For the better part of the morning, before tournament officials switched back to the old decks, players struggled to differentiate sixes and nines, and, due to a typo on the cards, everyone also wondered exactly when Jeffury Pollack had replaced Jeffery Pollack as WSOP commissioner.

Below is the prototype for next year's cards.  They're designed for "optimal suit recognition."

A-Team

Daniel Negreanu

Phil Ivey

Erick Lindgren

Patrik Antonius

Allen Cunningham

B-Team

Phil Hellmuth

Carlos Mortensen

Nick Schulman

J.C. Tran

Nam Le

C-Team

Joe Cassidy

Daniel Alaei

Gabe Thaler

Gavin Smith

Joe Sebok

* To partake in the madness, go to Full Tilt Poker.com, and join the "PokerWire" group, password "eugenetoddbro"